


Wishing On All of The Stars

by sixfragiledreams



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24156898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixfragiledreams/pseuds/sixfragiledreams
Summary: Catherine Parr is falling for none other than Anne Boleyn, who she inevitably loves - but will her internalized homophobia and self depreciating thoughts get the best of her?
Relationships: Anne Boleyn/Catherine Parr, Parrlyn - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	Wishing On All of The Stars

_“I should’ve known better than to subject myself to someone like him”_

That was the sentence that Cathy had been repeating to herself for the past week. In reality, she should have known better - but, how could she? She knew he wasn’t different; she knew he wasn’t who she wanted either. She tried to push the thoughts to the back of her mind. Hell, it wasn’t like he wanted her anyway.

Cathy had been suffering with similar thoughts for the past 3 years of her life. Internalized homophobia and deep self-hatred had been laced in her blood for those three years. Trying to find a guy to set herself “straight”. Trying to set herself “straight” to ignore her feelings for a certain “she” - and to her utter disappointment it wasn’t working. She knew deep inside it wasn’t going to work. She knew she couldn’t water down her attraction for women, she also knew she couldn’t fake her attraction for men, and this time, the price she paid for it was utter humiliation.

She didn’t have a problem with others being homosexual, it was her she had a problem with. She had a mental list of the things she didn’t like about herself, and if it were to be physical, it’d have “lesbian” in big red bold letters at the very top. Then her face, then her addiction to caffeine, then her shy tendencies and the list goes on.

Finally deciding to get up out of bed, daunting having to be met with her face when she walked downstairs. She lived with the Tudor queens, after their reincarnation, they found themselves in the same house, and eventually, in a show with each other. She loved them all with her entire heart and would do anything for any of them. But to her dismay, overtime her attraction for a certain Anne Boleyn grew wildly overbearing. Almost as soon as she entered the downstairs area, she was greeted with the smiles and the chirpy “Good morning!” s of Jane and Kitty, the others yet to be awake.

She smiled softly at them both, asking them how they slept while she made a coffee. After a bit of small chatter and Catherine joining them downstairs, she heard the familiar sound of Anne Boleyn’s door closing and her steps walking above them. Cathy tried her hardest to go numb, she tried her hardest to not focus on Boleyn and finish her coffee, but as she grew closer everything in her mind became louder and louder. 

The other girls noticed Cathy’s sudden stiffness, deciding not to press on the matter further. It was like this most mornings, but she learned to ignore the concerned expressions that burned into the sides of her head. She felt her breathing become less frequent, getting ready to abuse her acting skills before retreating to her room once again.

“Morning!” Anne said, her voice bright, as usual in the early hours,

“Morning Anne!” Said Kitty and Jane,

“Morning,” Cathy said, her usual calm tone kicking in,

“How’d you sleep?” Catherine asked,

“Pretty good actually, no nightmares which was nice,” 

They all smiled at her gently, glad that the girl who usually was plagued by multiple nightmares a night, had finally slept well,

“How did you sleep, Cathy?” Anne asked, smiling warmly at the girl,

It’d be an understatement to say that her body grew tense at the unexpected question, “Same as usual, I guess,” She said, her voice faltered at the end,

“I’m assuming that means barely any sleep, you have to sleep more,” Anne said, giving the girl a small side hug as she made her way to the fridge,

If Cathy wasn’t so blinded by her internalized hatred and she wasn’t oblivious, she would notice that Anne was almost drooling over her. But as the panic within her became more obvious, and as tears started to gain confidence and threatened to fall out of her eyes, she quickly excused herself and walked to her bedroom, shutting the door.

She looked at herself directly in the mirror, staring herself down.

_You don’t have to feel this way, there’s nothing wrong with liking her._

**_You_ ** _shouldn’t feel this way, that's disgusting,_

The two voices battled in her head; she suppressed the screams wanting to force themselves out of her throat. She knew it wasn’t wrong, but she hated herself for it. She wanted to be free from her mind, so she did that in the only way she knew how. She pulled her notebook out of her desk drawer and wrote out her thoughts and feelings. By the end, there were about 6 pages of writing. The writer sighed, taking a deep breath before making her way back downstairs so she didn’t worry the other queens.

“Cath, are you good?” Anna asked, her naturally strong voice seemed softer than usual,

“Yeah, I’m good! Just remembered I forgot to save my writing,” She said, the lie coming out, leaving a sour taste in her mouth,

They all seemed convinced, but she noticed the not-so-convinced and concerned looks from Anne from across the kitchen.

“Your coffee has gone cold; did you want me to make you another?” Anne asked, staring gently at the girl,

“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks,” Cathy stammered out. She tried to suppress her toxic thoughts, trying to let herself feel something other than guilt, but it wasn’t easy. She sat down in the seat next to Catherine, leaving only one seat for Anne to sit in, and to Cathy’s disappointment, it was right next to her.

***After the show***

Cathy felt how drained she was after she came off stage. At the end of a two-show day, it was often difficult to remain wide awake for her. Once again trying to suppress every thought that came to her. She felt Anne’s concerned eyes on her the entire show, this wasn’t obvious to the audience, but it was definitely obvious to the other queens. 

_You didn’t do good enough_

_  
You stick out against everyone else_

_You don’t deserve to be here_

A hand softly grabbing her wrist pulled her out of her thoughts and back to reality. She quickly recognized it to be Anne who was pulling her away from the group, into a room where no one was.

“Hey, sorry if I startled you, I didn’t want to get everyone else's attention,” Anne said, her voice was caring,

“Oh-, don’t worry, you just pulled me back to reality,” Cathy said, a small laugh coming out to try and ease the voice within her,

“I’m just concerned for you, Cathy-” Alarms went ringing in Cathy’s head when she said that, “- I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you seem slightly out of it,”

Anne saw the flicker of pain in the girl’s eyes, it only lasted a few moments before she blinked away what looked like tears and put on her happy and calm facade,

“I’m fine, Annie, I promise,” She said, smiling to cover the way her lip was trembling slightly from the sudden confrontation,

Anne gave her a meek smile, “If you say so, but I’m always here for you if you need to talk,” She said, softly squeezing her hand,

_You shouldn’t feel like this,_

_You shouldn’t have feelings for her,_

Her inner voice argued,

_She is only trying to help,_

_You can be attracted to her without feeling sinful_

“-athy, are you still here?” Anne asked, her tone worried,

“Oh- sorry, I zoned out,” She said, her voice wobbled slightly, silently praying that it went unnoticed, 

“Okay, well we should go to our dressing rooms, I’ll see you in a bit,” Anne said, once again squeezing her hand before turning around and making her way to her dressing room.

***Back home***

As soon as they were in the house, Cathy almost immediately went to her room. Opening her laptop and getting to work on her writing. Sadly, not everything she wanted would go as planned, and her mind kept drifting to none other than Anne. She didn’t really notice it, but small sobs racked through her body. She was suppressing the sounds, but her body was shaking violently. She wanted to be able to love someone without feeling iniquitous, but the voice in her head wouldn’t budge. She looked at the time, it was only just after midnight, but everyone would be asleep, so she let her cries out a little louder - putting her head in her hands.

***Anne***

Anne was sitting on her window seat in a similar situation. She heard the quiet sobs coming from the room across the hallway, but she didn’t know what to do. She was falling so helplessly in love for a girl that was so deeply broken, and she didn’t know how to approach it. She also knew the girl was only letting herself cry because she thought that everyone was asleep. It hurt her too much to listen to the crying coming from Cathy’s room, so she got up and gently opened her door, making her way across the hall.

***Back to Cathy***

If her thoughts weren’t so good at drowning out the world around her, she would’ve heard Anne’s door open and her footsteps. She also would’ve heard the knocks before Anne opened her door. But she didn’t.

“Oh, Cathy,” Anne said, putting her arms around the girl and pulling her close towards her,

Cathy just cried, she didn’t speak, she didn’t move, she just cried. The taller girl had one arm around her, and the other rubbing her back gently. She hated that she liked how warm Anne’s embrace was. She hated that she liked how she smelt gently of Vanilla. But she let it be, she needed the physical contact, in fact, she craved it.

Slowly, Cathy’s started to return to a calmer state. Tears still in her eyes, but not falling. Still slightly shaking, but not heaving.

“What happened, Cath-Cath?” Anne asked, looking down at the smaller girl with a deep sorrow that filled her eyes,

Cathy didn’t know what to say, all she knew is that she hurt, “Everything and nothing all at the same time she said, raising a hand to rub her forehead,

“Did you want to talk about it?” Anne asked, placing her hand on top of the other girls hand,

“Uh- Sure, no promises it’ll make sense though,” Cathy said, letting out a faint laugh,

***After Cathy explains***

Cathy had carefully stepped over the parts where she was falling for Anne, but she did express how she felt about herself and the thoughts she was having. Anne pulled her in tightly, letting Cathy curl into her chest.

“I know, and I understand how you’re feeling, but know, you have so many people around you that would do anything for you. If you ever need anything, you can come to any of us, you don’t need to hide your emotions all the time,” Anne said, sympathetically 

“I just hate when people see me upset because it solidifies my thoughts-” she sighed a bit, “-that I’m just burdening everyone,”

“I promise you’re not burdening anyone,” Anne said, looking at the time, “We should probably get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning” Anne added, smiling at Cathy,

“Goodnight Annie,” Cathy said, as the girl made her way to the door,

“Goodnight Cathy,” She said, turning off the light and shutting the door behind her.

Anne’s affirmations had helped ease her mind, but she still felt the way her heart felt empty, already missing Anne’s touch. She got into bed, pulling the covers closer to her, and let her mind drift her off to sleep.


End file.
